Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassi… (2024)

It seems universally true that people forget everything they’ve read in self-help books the minute they put them down—otherwise we’d all be thirty, flirty, and thriving. What a relief, then, that this book is unlike its peers. Good Morning, I Love You is a guide to mindfulness and self-compassion by psychologist Shauna Shapiro. Decades of research and personal experience culminate into a logical, science-based explanation of mindfulness that is also conversational and engaging. Short chapters avoid rambling and challenge readers to practice and reflect. As a person with anxiety, this book is just what I needed—concepts that therapists have been prescribing me for years have finally clicked!

20210108 ◊ Meh. Not bad, but thoroughly unoriginal, right down to the quotations used for the chapter introductions. There wasn't anything in here that I haven't already read somewhere else. The personal anecdotes were an unfortunate blend of saccharine, tiresome, and annoying. Solid but recycled content, better read elsewhere -- or at the very least, by someone who hasn't previously read any other books on mindfulness.

I was looking for a book about mindfulness, and was pleasantly surprised by the mixture of the author’s warm tone and scientific knowledge. Some of my favorite takeaways are being mindful of your intention, attention and attitude. Also, that your brain chemicals literally change based on your thoughts. If you are thinking negatively, your brain produces chemicals that inhibit clear thinking and learning. Conversely, when you are thinking kind, compassionate and curious thoughts, your brain produces chemicals that can help you make sound decisions. This is why, Dr. Shapiro suggests, it is good to bring kindness into difficult situations. Good Morning, I Love You is full of wisdom on mindfulness, and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone interested in developing a more a compassionate way of being.

First of all, I like this book. I did mean to give it 4 stars. But there are several problems with it. If it were any less helpful it would get 2 stars based on these, because some are merely stupid but some are quite heinous:

Shapiro says multitasking is bad and hard and says you can try it yourself by saying the alphabet, counting to 26, and then trying to say A1 B2 C3 etc. to Z26. Yes, it’s harder - because you’re actually doing that, working it out in your mind, not simply reciting something you learnt as a small child. It’s equally hard to say the alphabet backwards (unless that’s something you’ve practised), and that’s clearly not multitasking. I do believe what she's saying about multitasking in particular & the value of attention more generally, but that's such a ridiculous example.

There’s also some confusion when she seems to state that a symptom of depression, lack of curiosity, is a predictor of depression. This doesn’t make a lot of sense. I’m sure it is also a predictor, because what we call the symptoms of depression are simply descriptions of an emotional state with fuzzy edges, but it makes this whole passage pretty useless. And there’s a study about inventors where she’s saying pretty much “could you have guessed that being mentally healthy makes you more successful?” It’s like come on, you already know we are depressed, we bought your self help book, there’s no need to rub it in.

There’s a section where we’re supposed to see a soldier confessing what must have been heinous misdeeds and still accepted by a bunch of fellow I assume murderers as surprising or heartwarming or something. What he did is not explored or named in any way. At first he says it’s what he “did” - after being successfully treated by Shapiro he refers to it as what “happened”, which is worrying, but whatever. This is the treatment men - and she does say they were all men - who have done wrong get. Boundless compassion or something right? (She later goes in to how self compassion predicts motivation to make amends and to change, which is all great.) But not for fat women, who are specifically called out twice for their sin of “self-indulgence” (as if overeating isn’t actually self-harm!) and called amongst other things “such a pig”, “slackers”, and “couch potatoes who eat Twinkies all day long and never exercise”. This is supposedly in the guise of exploring their unhelpful thoughts, but it really stands in contrast to the other example where it apparently wasn’t necessary to even say what he did - or even ultimately that he'd done anything at all! - let alone how he might berate himself over it, for us to imagine that he was doing so. Never mind the implication that PTSD is a manly soldier disease and not mainly suffered by abused women - I had thought this was rather passé by now but apparently not. It's annoying to read this kind of thing in any book, and especially disappointing in a book by a woman.

Amazingly for a supposedly science based book, she promotes forgiveness and says it’s necessary for healing. This is a common myth, anyone should be able to reason out why it’s not true (and, most importantly, why people say it is true) and there are studies to this effect, too. It’s so disappointing. Because she leans on a (very obviously biased, due to the name of the institute!) study to support this, it puts all of her other “oh, a study found...” into serious doubt. It’s acceptance that lets people move on, not forgiveness, and she was already promoting acceptance. Makes no sense.

I didn't read all the hundreds of studies she used, but I am suspicious about them all after some of these - even when I really believe in what she's saying! For example, she says she has a study that shows happy people earn more. No sh*t, right? But interesting if they really found something like that. I guess it would tally with what we know about income and sex, ethnicity, disability, etc... and it would be interesting if people's (understandable, expected) reaction to oppression could be a factor as well as the oppression itself. I found an updated version of the study she referenced, uploaded for free by the same authors, that says things like “The cheerful students (especially those with high-income parents) tended to earn more than the students who had rated themselves as less cheerful”. That’s evidence for their theory you see, that it’s happiness - and the choice to be happy - that predicts income. This is positively anaemic, intellectually.

She also promotes gratitude, which has plenty of studies showing it hurts as well as that it helps. She says ooh loads of cultures do it, well yeah, it’s a religious thing shared by many cultures. As is what she calls toxic shame and rails against. Perhaps it can help people who believe in a creator of one kind or another, but for me - not believing anyone created me aside from my mother, and not believing she has any control over my life - I’ve no-one to be grateful to for the majority of my experiences. Like forgiveness, people try to redefine these words to mean something other than what they mean when it seems to be impeding their proselytising, but forgiveness means you forgive them in exactly the way that “please forgive me” implies, and gratitude means you thank someone for what they’ve done for you. They involve another, however real or imaginary (including eg writing letters you don't send). They aren't purely internal things or you & your vague, general circ*mstances things. Acceptance and joy are, though!

All that said, there is some good stuff in this book. Though Shapiro's habit of relying on studies unnecessarily is a bit weird (she even comments on it herself at one point), I guess there may be readers for whom happiness isn't enough and who need to be told that they'll eg have healthier hearts and do better at work and so on. Most of the exercises are useful, though some seem repetitive (though again it may be deliberate and a matter of different yet similar exercises suiting personal taste and needs).

Shapiro encourages you to make a note about each chapter at the end and provides a few sample summary sentences for you to choose from, or you can write your own. I did this, using a mixture of her samples, my own conclusions, and slightly longer quotes - but there was a chapter or two where nothing either resonated or was new/difficult to me to the point where I thought writing it down would be useful, and I wrote 2 or 3 things about some chapters where there was a lot I thought would help me. I don't suppose it matters - and it's probably a good way to approach all nonfiction! That's something I didn't think I would learn from this book :)

The final chapter & exercise is about the phrase in the title. I bought the book after reading an article with a snippet from I think the first chapter (Shapiro's personal story of scoliosis) on Goop, and because something about the title attracted me. I've never been one for affirmations, especially hyper positive ones like "I love you", or the idea of ritually saying them every morning - seems so false. But honestly, it's really powerful. I haven't managed to say the full one yet - I had enough difficulty with just "good morning, [me]", which I really did not expect. I'm not sure if it's the exercise itself or the effect it had on me after reading through the whole book and doing the preceding exercises (well, most of them, and half-heartedly at that, I'll admit - I've always been atrocious at meditation, though this book helped me see that that's a silly thing to believe/say)

If you think you can stomach the problems I highlighted, and anything at all about this book appeals to you, I really recommend it.

Shauna starts the book with the story of how she got a metal rod in her spine and how that experience, although negative at the outset, changed her life. She discovered mindfulness and its power to live a different and happier life.

Mindfulness literally means clear sight, which means seeing what is, not what you want to. Mindfulness is not just about what you are paying attention to, it's also about your attitude (of kindness & compassion) and intention. These are the three pillars of mindfulness practice. And because it is a practice, you need to keep practicing.

"What you practice grows stronger"

There is a small section on neuro-plasticity and Shapiro encourages us to practice positive neuroplasticity which means intentionally focusing on areas that are in sync with your intention.

Shauna focuses a lot on self-compassion throughout the book. She mentions various studies and shares examples of her patients who have been able to heal through self-compassion. There is a section here that I loved, instead of paraphrasing her, I would just quote her.

"When faced with adversity, many of us respond in one of the two ways. We either turn on ourselves, our minds filled with self-judgement and shame. Or we try to paper over mistakes with rationalizations and pep-talks intended to boost our self-esteem. These coping strategies don't work because both are defense mechanisms that distract us from the underlying issues."

Here self-compassion works. We become mindful of the issues and have energy to heal them. Shame doesn't work, mindfulness works.

My favorite chapter was 'Six practices for tough times' where Shapiro shares the practices of - acceptance, emotional regulation, shifting perspective, compassion, radical responsibility, and forgiveness.

Each chapter ends with a mindfulness practice and an invitation to write a 'gold nugget' from the chapter to remember and practice later. This worked well.

I would end this review with one of my favorite lines from the book, which was in the very first chapter.

"I knew that despite everything that had happened, and whatever might happen, there was something within me which was indestructible."

I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley.

"At some level you already know everything I have shared with you. This book is simply a reminder. May it be of benefit."

It has been of benefit to me. Unfortunately, it took me almost TWO YEARS to read! Yikes. In part because I was determined to do the exercises as they came up in the book; some of those were really hard for me and so I would sit on them for awhile. Another part is that depression claimed a big chunk of my life in there, sadly, so anything that was mental work was beyond me. But here I am, finished :)

I found it nicely written, relatable, sincere, and helpful. It is clear and concise in the meditations given and in the thoughts expressed.

You could just read the last chapter, which fully explains the exercise and the author's experience with it, that the title is taken from, but I think it helped to have the information leading up to that final piece to have the full impact.

Lovely book.

Talk about a serendipity book. I was browsing through my Audible Unlimited when I came across this title. I don’t know what it was that prompted me initially to download this book, but all I know is that it was divine interception. This book made me think and feel differently about mindfulness and compassion, especially for the self. I would highly recommend this book for anyone feeling lost, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, etc. it is truly a gem and I will be ordering myself a physical copy of this to keep. Loved it.